He loved this phrase.
I could in no way understand it. I was feeling pain from the complete injustice of his explosive, unpredictable anger—that to a small child, felt like a tidal wave. But I was wrong for feeling it. My feelings were wrong. Like being punched in the nose then threatened with more because my nose was bleeding.
It makes me so fucking angry to think about it and re-feel it now.
Then I think of the reason for it. He wanted me to stop showing evidence of his problems… and I think: How pathetic. A grown man saying that to a child. Can you imagine saying that to a 12 year old? A nine year old? A seven year old? A five year old?