The Long Walk
I was playing in the hot summer yard and heard the familiar arguing, yelling, and thuds coming from inside that always tightened my guts.
This fight seemed louder than usual.
My mom came out the trailer door with my toddler sister and strapped her into the stroller that was parked in the yard.
Come on, we’re going.
Where?
For a walk.
This was before my step dad let my mom get a job and he had the keys to our only car.
We started walking down our gravel road. Quickly. We had never done this before. It was hot and I wondered where we were going and how long it would take.
Was he drunk?
No.
Then why did we leave?
He was dry-drunk.
What’s that?
Sometimes alcoholics can be just as crazy as when they’re drunk, but they’re not.
Now I can recognize that he was binging on rage as a substitute for alcohol.
I enjoyed the walk. I threw rocks and sticks into the woods as we walked down the road. We went up and down hills, past the creek where I caught frogs, and eventually past my farthest wanderings.
After an a hot, dusty hour, we took a break on the steps of a country church, shaded with fruit trees.
Then my step dad’s car whizzed by. I saw no slamming on brakes with a cloud of gravel road dust, he just kept going. He must not have seen us. I couldn’t believe our luck.
We walked for hours. We stopped at a garage sale where we had a drink of water. Past a lake dotted with small fishing boats.
Finally, we stopped at the clubhouse of a golf course. I drank so much water. It was air conditioned in there and the bar tender gave me quarters for pinball.
My mom used their phone to call her brother, whose house I now understood we were walking towards. He came and got us.
Later that night my mom called my step dad. Mr. Hyde had turned back into Dr. Jekyll and as simple as that, it was safe for us to go home.
Tired and dusty, I walked back into the house. Nothing was said or acknowledged about what happened. The hour glass for the next rage explosion was turned upside down and reset.
It was very confusing and perfectly common.